


Law, Disorder, Murders, and SHSL Stupidity

by Monobear



Category: Dangan Ronpa, South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - High School, Body Horror, Boys' Love, Canon Temporary Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Character Deconstruction, Child Death, Deconstruction, Don't Have to Know Canon, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Graphic Description of Corpses, M/M, Multi, Murder Mystery, POV Canon Character, POV First Person, Past Sexual Abuse, Psychological Horror, Sadism, Temporary Character Death, Trans Female Character, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 08:30:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1298269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monobear/pseuds/Monobear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course, South Park, Colorado seemed to be the least likely place in the world for a school intended for the best of the best to crop up, but there it was. St. Charles' School For The Remarkably Gifted And Talented. It was far less likely for most of the town to be able to qualify, but there that was. And, naturally, what lies inside is a murderous bear, a far-too-weak rabbit, and people just dumb enough to murder each other given the right motives. Rating will be raised to explicit gradually. Many triggering subjects included, readers beware, triggers are listed in the tags and there will be chapter warnings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Law, Disorder, Murders, and SHSL Stupidity**   
**act 1: (ab)normal days**   
**prologue: old faces, new places**

> **\-- WELCOME TO THE ROOM [SKEKL]! Message of the Day: 'the reason why we don't have girlfriends is because we're all secretly pining away for each other. swoon.' -Kenny, describing our non-existent love lives --**

**Kenny:** oh hey, look who finally showed up.

 **Cartman:** Kyle. Good of you to come in this hour of triumph and glory.

 **Butters:** \-- (^w^) hiya kyle

 **Cartman:** Butters, what did I say about the emoticons?

 **Butters:** (;w;) that they're super faggy

 **Cartman:** Exactly, so stop it.

 **Stan:** help me kyle i'm trapped in idiot hell

 **Kyle:** Nice to see you all too. What did you mean by triumph and glory, Cartman?

 **Cartman:** Ohohohoho.

 **Cartman:** Hohohoho.

 **Cartman:** Ohohohohohohoooo.

 **Kyle:** Stop the typed out evil laughter and just spit it out already.

 **Cartman:** Fine, fine. I, Eric Cartman, have managed to get into the most prestigious academy in the whole US. Saint Charles' School For The Gifted And Talented.

 **Kyle:** ......

 **Stan:** ......

 **Butters:** ......

 **Kenny:** oh so it's not just me that's a beacon of light amongst my darkened peers a-fucking-men

 **Cartman:** ...Waitwaitwait. What.

 **Kyle:** Yeah, they sent me a letter a few weeks ago. 

**Stan:** Same here.

 **Butters:** (-w-);; my parents signed me up for it

 **Kenny:** i didnt even apply or apply myself to jack shit and i got in

 **Cartman:** Then what the fuck are your titles?! 

**Kyle:** We'll just have to see on our first day, now won't we, fatass. ;)

 **Cartman:** Shut the hell up, jew.

 **Kenny:** does anyone know where the fuck this place is because google maps is giving me fuckall and they didnt include an address

 **Butters:** my mom said it was on the outskirts of south park? kinda near denver but not exactly.

 **Cartman:** I HAVE TO GO BACK THERE AGAIN. WHY IS IT NOT IN FUCKING CALIFORNIA. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO FREEZING MY BALLS OFF EVERY MORNING GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT I LIKE THE WARMTH.

 **Kenny:** y'know i'm seeing underskirts of a conspiracy there's gotta be something up with the fact that it's near south park

 **Kyle:** I wouldn't think so? Then again, a lot of weird shit does happen around here.

 **Stan:** It's kind of like a filter. I don't know what it is about South Park, but it makes everyone stupid and makes weird shit happen. When you haven't been there for a while, it wears off, but the minute you get back in the weirdness sticks to you like a magnet.

 **Cartman:** Stan's kinda right there. And that's why I fucking hate this now. I'm going to go bury my head into my pillow, scream, enjoy whatever hours of heat I have left, and then start packing.

 **Kenny:** i thought blubber conserved warmth

 **Cartman:** You do remember that I was liveblogging my diet like, a few months ago?

 **Kenny:** yea and that's why you were even more hostile and annoying than usual :)

 **Cartman:** I hate all of you, going to go do what I said I was going to do, fuck all of you, see you first day of school.

> **Cartman has left the channel.**

**Butters:** (;w;)/ sorry eric

 **Kenny:** don't be sorry he's a prick and it's fun to get at him when i can since he got at us so many times before

 **Kyle:** I'm sorry, I was laughing my ass off at Cartman being told off, did I miss much?

 **Kenny:** no but we missed you, all the homo possible

 **Kyle:** Flattered, but I'll have to pass that one up.

 **Kenny:** one day kyle, one day you will be mine and that day will be fantastic for you

Kyle: Uh-huh. So Cartman's moving back from California, Stan, you're moving back from Washington?

 **Stan:** Mmmhmm, my mom's not letting me pass on this, so yeah, I'm coming back.

 **Kyle:** And Butters, you're coming back from...

 **Butters:** \\(^w^)/ texas \\(^w^)/

Kenny: i shouldve never taught you about emoticons

 **Kyle:** Sweet. It's been pretty lonely with it just being Kenny and I.

 **Kenny:** dont tell me that you dont miss our intimate time kyle us getting all close and personal

 **Stan:** Close and personal time and I'm not included? 

**Kenny:** a threesome can be arranged

 **Kyle:** Let's save the threesome for after we get to school, alright? Besides, it's a boarding school, we've all got to pack.

 **Kenny:** oh yes let me pack my absolute nothing that i have

 **Kyle:** You have a laptop and clothes. Plus, that 3DS I got you for your birthday.

 **Kenny:** that was the gift that won my heart

 **Butters:** aw, hamburgers! i probably really should pack or my parents are gonna be mighty sore. i'll see you all later (^w^)/

> **Butters has left the channel.**

**Stan:** Right. I'm gonna start packing. I'll send a group text message to meet in front of the school. It's really good to be able to see you guys again. Slight homo.

 **Kyle:** Same here. Slight homo.

 **Kenny:** mmmhmm all the homo have all my homo dongs and schlongs and all of it anyway kyle im probably gonna spend the night again at your house w/karen

 **Kyle:** Your parents are fighting again?

 **Kenny:** yeah

 **Kyle:** Sorry 'bout that. Come over here whenever ya want.

> **Kenny has left the channel.**
> 
> **Kyle has left the channel.**
> 
> **Stan has left the channel.**
> 
> **SEPTEMBER 11th**  
>  **9 AM**

Well, today's the day. I don't know if that's a bad or good thing, but it's...a thing, at least. I laid in my bed, eyes open, trying to work up the urge to move. It was at that moment that my mom, being the...well...the motivated woman that she is, barged into my room.

"Kyle! Why aren't you dressed?! We need to get you to the school in half an hour, and I don't know how long the drive is!"

"I'm sorry, mom. I'll get dressed now."

"Alright, just hurry. I've already got Ike in the car."

Ike was in the third grade now, and it was kind of a miracle that mom managed to push him into the car. He's pretty hyperactive, but that might have something to do with the fact that he's Canadian. Which is how he also gets away with farting so much. But yeah, typical stuff, orange jacket, green hat, bluejeans, green mittens...alright, I'm ready. Taking a few steps down the stairs, I nabbed my backpack, and dashed out to the car. 

Ike snorted as I hopped in and buckled myself in. "Mom, did you terrify Kyle again?" 

"Not terrify. I just....made him hurry up a bit." Well, I can't say it's surprising at this point -- and then Kenny ran outside, waving his hand as we were about to take off. "Oh, Kyle, does he need a ride?"

"Yeah, I'd expect so." I opened the door for Kenny, and he and his sister hopped in. Kenny's a nice guy, despite his many...many...many quirks, and his habit of flirting with nearly everyone. His sister, Karen, is pretty quiet and she gets sick a lot, but she's smart. I think Ike has a crush on her. 

"Thank you." Kenny said, then squeezed himself between Karen and I...considering we only had three seats back here, it wasn't exactly prime seating and someone had to be left without a belt. Clearly that someone was going to be Kenny. Mom started the car, and we began to ride off to St. Charles'. 

When I got the letter from that school, it was pretty odd. I know my mom had sent every document she could find of me to any and every charter school from here to Denver, but this one was really official, like it was a government document or something. At the top of the envelope was a logo of a shield with what looked like a staff going through it, and this curvy line over it. It simply read 'high school' at the bottom of the logo. Typically, an ominous logo in black-and-white was a sign to turn back, but I didn't.

The letter had this to say: 

> _Dear **Kyle Broflovski** ,_  
>  _Congratulations! You have been accepted to be part of the beginning class of St Charles School for the Remarkably Gifted and Talented. We are a sister school of Hope's Peak Academy in Japan, a school founded with the exact same mission: to find children who are best in any certain field and help their growth so that the world may have a more hopeful future. You have been accepted under the title of **Super High School Level (SHSL) Basketball Player** , as we have seen your talents in this field and believe that you are far beyond average in this field. If you would be interested in joining our opening class, please write us back, and we will include a letter with the directions._  
>  _Sincerely,_  
>  _**St Charles School for the Remarkably Gifted and Talented** _

As much as I doubted that my skills in basketball were that good, my mom nearly fainted when I showed her the letter, and she outright stated that this was the one I was going to. No objections. And if there's one thing about my mom, it's that when her mind gets set on something, there's no turning back. So she immediately wrote them back while I took to looking up information on Hope's Peak Academy online. 

There wasn't much about it, but according to the posts I found on image boards, almost everyone who went there went on to be remarkably successful in their fields, from baseball to computer programming to even swordfighting. It was interesting, but how did they do it? That was the question that kinda dwelled in the back of my mind. How? They can't guarantee success for anyone unless they have massive ties with...everywhere. I couldn't exactly wrap my mind around it, but at least I knew I was in good hands...or so I guessed, actually. I couldn't exactly know for sure.

It was a bit of a drive, so Kenny and I started talking. "So, what'd you get in on, Kyle?" He asked. A typical starting question.

"Um, they said I was the Super...Super? Super High School Level Basketball Player. I don't really see how, but, hey, there it is."

"Damn, you got in the easy way, sports." He shook his head, putting his hand over his mouth. 

"What'd you get in on?"

"That, my friend, is my little secret." Kenny stated, and then hastily moved onto another subject. "Think there'll be any hot girls here?"

"...Maybe?"

"Y'know, I really hope they have one talent in particular..." Kenny smirked, then mouthed the words 'Super High School Level Porn Star'. That wasn't unexpected.

"I wouldn't think so." Kenny's mind went back and forth from sex, to drugs, to mischief, and then finally correcting whatever he did wrong. I don't know, he's always been a bit odd, but he had the most empathy out of pretty much anyone I knew. If anyone that he cared about was hurt, he took it upon himself to make sure they were alright. He kinda built upon that from when Butters was around, but he's gotten a lot better lately. 

Karen coughed into her palm, and Kenny looked over, wrapping an arm around her. "Hey, ya gonna be alright when I'm gone, kiddo?"

"Mmhm...Ike said he'll take care of me." Karen smiled. Ike sunk into his seat as Kenny looked at him with a knowing smirk.

"Right. Take it slow, make sure that you're both alright with it, and use protection."

"Protection for wha--"

The car finally stopped in front of an imposing building. It almost seemed like a cathedral, the tips of it reaching up to poke the clouds above. Kenny whistled as we hopped out, shaking his head. "Damn." He said quietly. Karen waved her brother goodbye, and Ike nodded at me, atempting to say goodbye in a 'cool' way. I nodded back -- and took off before mom started crying. Not gonna deal with that today.

Immediately as we walked into the courtyard, I saw a familiar face. "Stan!" I called out, waving my hand. He looked over, then grinned, shouting behind him that Kenny and I were here, and then he dashed over. 

"Hey! You two haven't changed." He commented. "But...hey, I really missed you both." 

"I missed you too, Stan." I really did. He was almost like another brother to me, and it kinda hurt to be too far apart from him.

"Still super best friends?"

"Still super best friends."

"Well, if you two are done fagging it up over here--" Of course, that was Cartman. I looked over and-- wow, he really did lose weight. He hardly looked like himself, to be honest. But it was still obviously him, I could tell by that voice. No one in the world sounded like him, and that was probably a good thing. 

"...Y'kinda said that you were really excited too, y'know." Butters spoke up. Still the slightly-feminine blonde-haired boy that was shorter than pretty much everyone here. Cartman gave him a piercing glare, and he gulped, chuckling nervously.

"...." Cartman sighed, tapping his foot as Butters ran over and hugged all of us, which got a pout from the former fatass. 

"Get the fuck over here." Kenny said cheerfully, and dragged Cartman in by the coat into the hug. Cartman twitched a bit, but allowed it. Oddly enough, I think I saw him smile just a bit. "Aww, yep, this is how it feels to be in a harem." With that, Kenny ruined the moment, earning him a flick on the nose from Stan. "Ow. Okay, not a harem, fine..." He paused. "Not yet, at least..." He added under his breath. 

Once we all pulled out of the hug, we looked at each other. "Well...let's go ahead and start the school year." Stan said, and we all nodded. With that, we all took off in a race towards the front door...  
And the world went **black.**

 


	2. welcome to hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mutual killing game is revealed as we meet the rest of the class. The night time rule is established, and things seem to be fairly cheerful, despite the circumstances. But will the cheerfulness remain? Not at all. But that happens later.

**Law, Disorder, Murders, and SHSL Stupidity**   
**act 1: (ab)normal days**   
**chapter 1: welcome to hell**

When I came back to, I was in a classroom. The blackboard had a crude drawing of something (whatever it was had a creepy-ass smile) on it, which is the first thing I noticed. The second thing I noticed was that there were metal plates on the windows. Well. Either they're keeping something out, or keeping something - likely us - in. I took a step out from the desk I had been propped up in, and pulled at it. Yep, definitely unmovable. With that, I looked around the room, and then looked up at the blackboard again. Looking closer at it, I could tell that there were words erased previously.

'Go to the Auditorium!' It was the only thing that seemed relevant to me, and perhaps everyone else was there. Everyone else. Exactly what had happened? One minute I was outside with my friends, the next I was inside a dark and dank classroom, alone. There was some gap there. Did they use something to knock me out immediately? What could knock me out that easily? Even then, I had a headache, but I wasn't bleeding. Unless whatever it was that knocked me out had remarkable catching skills, I'd have to be bleeding due to the pavement. But no, not a scratch on me. That was something I had to keep in mind.

After I exited out of the classroom, glass windows were visible, but even they, despite the pictures, had metal plates behind the glass. The pictures were normal things. Stars, colors, that sort. As I proceeded to the auditorium, however, there was one stained glass window that was a bit...off. It was normal and colored, sure, but it had a red streak through it that didn't look natural. It looked like...blood. But I reached over and touched it, and none of it came off on my fingertips. It'd be brown-ish if it were old and therefore more sticky, but no, this was fresh, if it really were blood. Then why couldn't I feel it?

It was unsettling, to say the least. Perhaps there were maniac nuns who wanted to kill us and use our bodies for rituals once we came 'of age'. That's obviously sarcasm, but considering we were near South Park...anything was possible. As I found the auditorium, I pushed open the door, and sure enough, inside were a load of kids who looked my age. My classmates, I assumed.

The auditorium was big. It was like a professional theater, with a huge stage, two sets of balcony seats ascending, rows and rows of chairs....it was bigger than anyone needed in a school, at least. All of it was red and gold. As I said, pretty average. With a quick glance around at the present students, I could pick out a few. Wendy was here, which wasn't too surprising - she's just as smart as me - and her friend Bebe was beside her. Jimmy was in the back, talking with Tweek and Craig. Nichole was up front, sitting next to Clyde, and one of the goth kids was a few seats over, puffing on a cigarette (I think her name was Henrietta?)

"Nice to see ya finally made it." Turning around, I noticed that Cartman had snuck up behind me, Kenny, Stan, and Butters following after. "So, I'm guessing that you know jack shit about what's going on, just like us? Or are you in on this little scheme, Jew? I wouldn't put it past you--"

"No. I don't know anything. I just woke up in a classroom, saw that the blackboard told me to go to the auditorium, and here I am. Did the same thing happen to everyone else?"

"As far as everyone's said? Yes. It happened to me, at least. Can't say it's not suspicious." Cartman curled his lip up, one of those traits he had when he was thinking particularly hard about something. "The room I was in was...pretty average. It looked like a normal classroom, but there was reinforced titanium plates on the windows, and...well...when I checked my pocket, my iPhone was gone. No computer in the classroom, either. They had an old phone in there, but the line was dead. I couldn't dial out. Not even 911. Something's going on, and it can't be good. I advise none of you to take your chances. Either this is a gigantic prank and the faculty are to be feared when it comes to pranks, or we're not in for a normal education."

"...Y'know what the funny part is?" Kenny spoke up, digging into his pocket, and pulling out a switchblade. "I had this, and they didn't take it away. And yet they took our phones. So apparently phones are more lethal than blades. Who knew?"

"I saw one of the goth kids smoking a cigarette, too. Don't they usually confiscate lighters?" Stan interjected.

"...." Cartman looked down, his eyes narrowing. ".....These items all have something in common. They can be used to--"

" **ATTENTION! ATTENTION, STUDENTS! THE INTRODUCTION CEREMONY WILL BEGIN IN 5 MINUTES! PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS, AND LISTEN UP!** " That was odd. The voice sounding off from the intercom was childish, cartoonish in a way. Butters did as told, and took a seat. Stan followed suit, then Kenny, then Cartman, and then I sat down. Cartman was looking up at the stage intently, while Butters had curled himself up a bit, clearly afraid. Kenny was...filing his nails with his switchblade, and Stan was staring at him in disbelief. I was far too used to Kenny's reckless endangerment by now; it'd stopped being a real big deal years ago.

It seemed as though the auditorium was filled with anticipation. The tension in the air was almost overwhelming. And then the stage curtains rose up, revealing a single podium with no one behind it, causing confused expressions. However, just as we had thought that the announcement was a joke, a--was that a plush teddy bear?! A plush teddy bear landed on top of the podium. "Today marks the start of a new school year, and as a result, I'll introduce myself to you freshmen! I'm Monokuma, your headmaster!"

...Seriously?

Peeking at the others, I could tell that Kenny had stopped taking this seriously. Stan was confused, Butters was a mix between 'aww it's so cute' and 'what the hell', and Cartman....Cartman seemed to be taking it just as seriously as before. Figures, with that whole episode when he outgrew his toys. Actually, that was kind of similar. Did he have something to do with this?

"Welcome to St Charles Academy, ya little buds of hope! I'm sure you're all very excited, but we've gotta get the basics through first. Ahem." The plush stood up, rubbing its chin with one paw. "Right, right! As you all can tell, this school was made with the best of the best! We spared no expense for you little bastards to make your school years as enjoyable as possible." Bastards? "Of course, this is naturally because your time here will be...indefinite."

"....What do you mean, indefinite?" Wendy questioned.

"Indefinite means you're not getting out. Ever. If you need a dictionary, I have one right here." The bear answered in a smug tone.

"So, the metal plates are to keep us in?" She added.

"That's right. You can scream and scream all you like, but no help is coming, so don't even think about counting on the police to get you out.....but, y'know, there is one way to get out--"

"Explain."

"It's a special rule I made up called 'graduation'. If a student breaks order, that student alone will get to leave school grounds."

"....What do you mean by that?" Cartman spoke up.

"Oh, simply...there's only one way to break order, and that is....the act of killing another person." The bear revealed a claw. "Clubbing, stabbing, beating, beheading, staking, baking, impaling, shooting...the method doesn't matter. Only someone who kills someone else can leave - and only if no one finds out the culprit. If the culprit is deducted, they will be punished. However, if the culprit evades capture, everyone else will get punished instead."

Cartman nodded a bit, looking more....intrigued than anything. "....Interesting. The perfect murder..." He mused to himself, then glanced around at the faces in the room. Clearly, he was thinking the same thing that I was: no one could really be trusted at this rate. The bear noticed the distrust spreading upon everyone's faces, and giggled.

"Upupupu. Jeez, already such distrust and hate....what wonderful despair you all have. I look forward to seeing how you all take our new gruesome school life. See you later." With that, the evil plush sunk into a trap door, and the room was filled with an overwhelming silence.

"....You....you all won't kill each other...right?" It was finally Butters, of all people, who spoke up and broke the silence.

"Of course not." Stan replied, and I nodded. Kenny seemed to agree as well, from his expression. However, Cartman was a different story.

"On the case that this isn't a prank, I promise nothing." He stated. "If I need to do something, it'll be every man for himself at the end. Even if I'd prefer to not kill anyone, who's to say I won't have to? We don't know what's going to happen. That's why you really can't trust everyone on their word....hey, at least I'm being honest."

As much as I hated to admit it, he had a point. We didn't know what would happen, but Kenny rolled his eyes, took his mittens off, and then grinned. "Well. We'll just make one of those promises like we did when we were younger." He spat into the palm of his hand. Stan followed suit, and so did Butters. I began to follow suit, but, of course, fatass was hesitant to do anything.

"I....that's disgusting." He frowned.

"Dude, you're the one who is overly proud of his farts." Stan stated, deadpan. Cartman fidgeted, then shook his head.

"I'm still not gonna do it." He said, and that was when Kenny reached at his hand, started to pull off his mitten--and he flipped. He pushed Kenny away, roughly, shaking his head and pushing his mitten back on. "I SAID...I SAID I WASN'T GOING TO FUCKING DO IT, YOU POOR SACK OF SHIT! **DON'T TOUCH ME! EVER!** " At Kenny's mildly surprised reaction, he fidgeted again, and then ran off.

I could've sworn he actually looked...afraid.

Kenny sighed, shaking his head. "Someone's on his period." He stated nonchalantly. Those sort of freakouts were nothing new - they happened all the time when we were younger, so it's not like it was much of a shock. But even then, it was usually just a bratty temper tantrum. This one seemed like genuine anger. "He'll be fine later." Kenny brushed it off, then looked about the room. Most everyone else were silent, either looking at the ceiling, or at the floor. Some were picking at their nails, or biting them. All nervous. Except Kenny, being the oddball that he is. "So. Hi. My name's Kenny McCormick. Super High School Level Unknown. And you all are?"

"Wendy Testaburger. Super High School Level Activist." Wendy was the one to continue it. "Nice to meet you."

"Hi, I'm Stan Marsh, and I'm Super High School Level Quarterback." Everyone was saying these things with such confidence. Jeez. Kenny nudged Butters in the side, and Butters gulped.

"B-Butters Stotch is my name! And I'm...'m....Super High School Level Tap Dancer."

"Kyle Broflovski. SHSL Basketball Player." There. That's done with. I listened to the rest of the introductions quietly.

"Craig Tucker, SHSL Pianist. Don't ask, it's a family thing. The guy sitting next to me is Tweek Tweak. SHSL Paranormal Investigator." I knew them pretty well, although neither were too fond of my friends and I. It's not too surprising that Tweek got to be a paranormal investigator after that underpants gnomes incident, although Craig's talent did surprise me a bit.

"My name's Rebecca Marshall, but you can call me Red! I'm the SHSL Hacker." The redhead waved from behind a laptop. Well, she shows off her talent, at least...

"W-Wow, what a great c-class. I'm J-Jimmy Valmer, and I'm the Super High School Level C-Comedian!" Not surprising at all that Jimmy got in for his comedic talent. He still had that stutter, though.

"Bebe Stevens. SHSL Prosecutor. Good to meet you all." Really? Bebe was here? And she was a prosecutor? I'll admit, I didn't pick that out as a talent she'd have, but...

"Heeeey!" Well, that's one I didn't notice. A blonde in a Hooters t-shirt raised her hand. "Mercedes Apollo. Super High School Level Playmate." Those words caused Kenny to grin quite widely, and mouth the words 'told you so' towards me. Not that it mattered too much.

"Annie Nelson! SHSL Mystery Novelist! And this is my sister, Patty, SHSL Party Planner!" The two girls sat close together - I knew their faces, but I hadn't really talked to them that much. Didn't Cartman like that Patty girl a long time ago? That's probably a bad sign, but she looked pretty harmless.

"Nichole Jamison. SHSL Painter." Oh, so Nichole was here? Sweet. Though I didn't see Token anywhere...pretty odd he didn't get in, but whatever. Maybe she still likes me. That'd be nice...and unlikely.

"Clyde Donovan - SHSL Hunter." Clyde of all people was a hunter. Well, he did have a competitive spirit....

"...Henrietta Biggle. SHSL Poet." The goth girl was the last to respond. She frowned, then took another puff of her cigarette. "It's not like it really matters. All you conformists will just leap at the chance to kill the one non-conformist here and get free. I'm an open target, really." She snapped.

"I...don't think anyone has any intention of killing anyone." Wendy stated, crossing her arms. "And if they do, then they should get that thought out of their head, because I'm not letting anyone kill anyone. Everyone is going to stay safe, and we're going to wait it out until our parents get worried. They'll wonder why we haven't written to them, at least. Mine will."

"Mine could give less of a shit." Kenny chimed in. "And I'm not exactly up to a massive debate here, but....as you all should remember, every single adult in South Park is an idiot. No excepti--well, no, there was one exception, but he's dead. Triple dead."

"...Well, if anything, I'm going to make sure that we all stay safe until we figure something out, or something happens." Wendy stated, crossing her arms. "Who's with me?"

"I'm with ya." It wasn't surprising to see Stan take her side, considering their past relationship. Wendy seemed pleased, but when no one else spoke up, she shook her head.

"Fine, then it'll be Stan and I watching over all of you to make sure that you don't go insane." She stated. "First, someone go check on Cartman. He should be here when we set up some ground rules as well."

Well, I sure as hell wasn't going to do it. Butters could probably handle i--

"Kyle, can you go handle it? I kinda need to talk to Butters for a bit." Stan asked. I breathed out, then shrugged.

"I'm the worst choice for this situation, but alright. I'll go check on fatass." With that, I got up, following in the direction that Cartman had run off in...down a hallway where there were names on the doors. It was probably our rooms. Knowing that much, I walked towards the room that had 'Eric Cartman' written on it, and knocked.

There was silence, and then a small click of a lock as the door cracked open a bit. "..." Cartman stood at the other side of the door, frowning. "What, what the fuck is it, Jew?"

"We're setting down ground rules, and we kinda want everyone there. That includes you."

"Pssh." Cartman rolled his eyes. "Let me guess, Wendy's taking charge and Stan's being her little bitch." Apparently I was half-smiling or something, because he snorted, and opened the door wider. "Knew it. Alright, alright. They need a real leader there. A Super High School Level Leader." He slipped on his mittens, walking out and closing the door behind him. "Otherwise known as me. C'mon, Kyle, let's go." He took off ahead, and I followed suit. That was easier than expected -- of course, I didn't expect what came after to go well.

Cartman slammed the doors to the auditorium open as he walked back in. "Alright, hi. In case you didn't know, I'm Eric Cartman, and I'm SHSL Leader."

"...Leader? That can't be a real title--"

"As much as you won't admit it, Wendy, I have a way with people." Cartman marched to the front, and pushed Wendy aside. "Right. Step aside, this is my territory now."

Wendy scowled, but said nothing, taking a seat again.

"Okay. So, the information that we have so far is that we're trapped in this school. Windows have metal plates, and I just went to the door and it's...it's like a vault door, it's locked. There are two hallways, one for boys rooms and one for girls rooms...oh, and the last thing I remember is that there's a second floor, but it's shut off. Can't get up there." He'd done some wandering around while we were discussing things, apparently.

"There's also signs pointing to a cafeteria and to a gym, but I didn't check those out. Let's just say that it's typical layout so far, nothing too strange. That's the concerning part. It's a typical layout, so we all know how it generally works and there are damn well easy ways to hide bodies. Especially if you do it while people are sleeping. Here's our first makeshift rule, the night time rule. Once it becomes night...let's say around...10 PM, no one leaves their rooms for any reason. The rooms are pretty close together, so if anyone leaves, we can all easily hear the click of a lock and easily catch whoever it is trying to murder someone. Then we'll know who can't be trusted -- but it should be simple, provided you all listen. Any objections?"

The room was quiet. "Good, we're all in agreement. Anyone else have anything to contribute?" Butters raised his hand. "Yes, Butters?"

"I just noticed this thing on the floor in front of me." He held up something that looked like an iPad - the screen was entirely blue, and there was the school's logo behind it. "The screen says it's an electronic student handbook. Does anyone else have one?" Looking down at the floor, it was evident that wherever someone sat, there was a 'Electronic Student Handbook' for them. I reached down and picked mine up, tapping at the screen. Looking through it, it had a small list of rules, a map that showed the basics of the first floor, and short biographies on all of the students. I scrolled to my own.

_Kyle Broflovski_  
 _SHSL Basketball Player_  
 _Likes: Studying, video games_  
 _Dislikes: Arrogance, manipulativeness_

Short, but they got pretty much everything right. It seemed everyone else were generally baffled as well. "How do they know this stuff?!" Butters gasped.

Cartman reached his hand up to his forehead, pinching it. "Du bist ein volltrottel..." (I think? I don't speak German.) He muttered under his breath, then went back to his normal speaking voice. "They have our school records, therefore they have all of this stuff. If we've ever done anything at school, they know about it. At least from what our teachers have written down."

Kenny immediately started laughing. "Pffhahaha, must be a long one on me."

"Your likes include sex, drugs, and dangerous stunts for money." Stan read off. Kenny nodded.

"Yep, they've got that right."

"But since we have the ground rules set down, we don't have to be too concerned. Just keep on your guard." Stan added. Everything seemed to have calmed significantly.

It was possible that we had some free time on ha--

"Hey, you know what we should do?" Patty suddenly spoke up. "Have a party!" She announced cheerfully. "It's our first day, after all, and it'll help us all get along!" She clapped her hands. 

"That actually sounds pretty fun." Butters smiled. Kenny immediately hopped up.

"I'm going to go find the secret stash of alchohol." He commented.

"How do you know they have one?" Stan asked, and Kenny snickered.

"Pssh, I don't. But almost every school in America has a secret stash of booze & drugs. Every single one I've been to. They don't even lock it up." With that, Kenny departed. Wendy sighed, then followed after Kenny, commenting something along the lines that she was going to 'keep him out of too much trouble.'

Cartman had rushed over to do whatever he could for Patty. Admittedly, that was pretty hilarious - he still liked her, I guess. Patty was edging away from him, and more towards Butters, who seemed a bit confused at the whole situation. A few minutes later, Kenny walked back in, singing loudly, carrying a sack full of beer he'd found from...somewhere. " _ **WATER HOSES AND BATONS, THAT'S THE REAL GAME THAT'S ON**_ \-- c'mon, guys, you know this one!"

 _ **"I DON'T REALLY GIVE A SHIT WHO WINS! ONE, TWO, ONE TWO THREE!"**_ Patty and Kenny had almost too much energy. It was almost like what happened before meant nothing, really...it all seemed like everything was back to normal. The energy was pretty contageous, actually, and it wasn't long before everyone was starting a medley of songs we heard from our childhood...it felt really good, actually.

"...Y'know, it really is weird." Stan had walked over next to me, and watched everyone else. "It's almost like everyone forgot that we're in a life-and-death situation. I mean, yeah, we've gone through a lot worse. Zombies. Mecha-Streisand. Cthulhu. But...problem here is that I don't think we're even knee-deep into it yet." He sighed. "Whoever it is that's keeping us in here, I'm sure....I'm sure that they won't just stop at announcing that that was our only way of escape. They're going to enforce it. Put something more on the line. That's what we have to worry about." He...really did have a point. That couldn't've been the last of it. I knew that much. "But...for now, hey, it's the first time we've seen each other in a while. Wanna enjoy it?" He motioned towards the circle that the rest of our classmates had made. I nodded, and we both dashed into it.

_**"It's like a bad movie, she is lookin' through me, if you were me, then you'd be screamin' 'someone shoot me,' as I fail miserably tryin' to get the girl all the bad guys want!"** _

And that was the best night any of us had had in a long time.

 


End file.
